A Brief Review of Being Married to a Monkey

I should start by saying I didn't propose. I didn't even know it was a wedding until Bobo started throwing flowers and Zazu began narrating the ceremony like a nature documentary.

"And here we see the woolly outsider, bound by ancient tradition to the gentle Lulu, in a union that transcends species, logic, and basic common sense."

Lulu was lovely. She really was. She brought me bananas every morning and didn't judge me for not understanding monkey customs. The divorce was amicable. She kept the tree. I kept the forklift.

Pogo still stares at me from behind bushes. I've told him it's not going to happen. He doesn't listen. He never listens.

The thing about being married to a monkey is that it's not even the strangest thing that's happened to me this month. That's the part that worries me.